it was like his penis was on wheels.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
