please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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