When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
