thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
