Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
