that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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