If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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