he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dick very happy bro
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
