i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
