Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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