She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
