That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
