I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
