you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
