Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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