Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
