I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
