well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
