if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
