I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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