oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
