Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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