she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
