dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
