I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
