Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
