Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I pour the whiskey from now on
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
