I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
