If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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