and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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