But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
