Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
