girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
