If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
