So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
