i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
