So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
