Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
