Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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