my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
