btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
