Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
