thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
