She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
