Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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