Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
