I think my vagina is haunted
they need to just BURY HIM!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
