Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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