Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
