I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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