Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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